


and i can't help myself (i know when you're telling lies)

by orphan_account



Category: SMP live
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-11 22:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20160790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Schlatt isn't quite a great businessman, but he's an even worse liar.





	and i can't help myself (i know when you're telling lies)

**Author's Note:**

> providing myself the content i deserve.....on jah I LOVE THIS MAN!!!!
> 
> update as of may 31 2020: i no longer support schlatt but i will still leave this fic up. please read it with the knowledge that i was not aware of several facts. one, schlatt defended pewdiepie after pewdiepie said the n word and posted a video saying death to all jews. two, schlatt has said the n word and has now refused to apologize. three, schlatt has stayed silent while black people’s lives are taken and all of his friends have spoken up about the issue. i wrote this through rose tinted glasses on his ignorance, so please be aware of the fact while reading.

Schlatt's growing fame was received with mixed reactions from both of you. Of course, it made you so happy to see him as appreciated as possible. You knew he was incredibly funny and genuine, and it seemed like the rest of Twitch and Youtube thought so too. But the hours made it harder and harder to see him, especially on weekdays. Being with Schlatt was almost like being part of an affair. He loved you, sure, but he was married to someone else. Every stream was his kid, and he spent hours making sure that it was running smoothly, making sure his presence was being seen, checking numbers and what people liked the most. You helped him a lot with this, and on some days helping him with the streams and scripts for videos started to feel like dates. Sometimes he'd order pizza, or cook pasta, or bring you to a coffee shop to talk about it. It always made you so happy when he offered to take you out and talk about streaming because, even if it wasn't glamorous, you loved every part of Schlatt, including the serious faces he makes when discussing business. 

Of course, Schlatt hates the growing fame for the same reason. He tells you how much he wishes he had less of a workload, and you know he is being honest, but you also know that streaming and creating his Youtube videos are is his passion. And if being without Schlatt for more hours than usual Monday to Friday meant you could see his face light up after a particularly well-received stream or hear his voice filled with joy as he talked about reaching subgoals, you would let his work take all of his time. 

There is another aspect Schlatt detests about his growing popularity, and those are the interviews and sponsorship requests. Making himself marketable really was tough. Working in computer science had already given him a sense of professionality, and you couldn't ever deny Schlatt's duality when it comes to switching between his light-hearted jschlatt character and the Schlatt who sits in front of his desk from 9 to 5 working on random strings of code, but being good at something didn't necessarily mean he enjoyed the seriousness. He loved creating, sharing, but not pretending to be this corporate shill (unless, of course, that shill was selling SchlattCoins). 

He never tells you this. It's not that he's hiding his dislike of business atmospheres from you, but he does feel like it would make you more stressed than you already are, being with someone who works double the number of hours as normal, if you count Twitch and Youtube. You can see through it, though. Of course, you can. You are used to reading Schlatt, like the smalls shifts in his tone or the way he picks at his nails when he talks about big things happening at his internship. Though on stream he can casually put up a character, real-life was much harder to pretend. He wasn't quite an actor, even though his 2010 Movie Maker videos with his friends would fool any layman for sure. 

So, to say it surprises you when he walks through his apartment to you in a freshly pressed suit with a grin across his face would be an understatement. 

"Man, you look straight-up chipper," you say to him. 

"You fuckin' love to see it, am I right?" 

His grin widens even more, and you can't help but smile back at him. You do love to see it— he looks great in the suit, and he looks even better actually happy about being in it. 

You give him a look, up and down, just to fully drink it this look of happy, fancy Schlatt. 

"Woah, are you checking me out? Fuck, man, what a creeper," he laughs a little dumb laugh and you can't help but get up and get closer to him. You loop your fingers behind his neck and run your thumbs against his nape. 

"Aw, man," you giggle, looking up at him. His face automatically turns from loving to playful anger. 

"Come on! You know I hate, despise, I'd even say, that phrase. Dead joke. Dead fucking joke," he jokingly pushes you away and it just makes you laugh more. 

"I saw the opportunity," you pause and grab his collar to straighten it, "and I took it. You know I had to. You can't even fault me."

"Huh, I sure can. But maybe not when you've got your fingers against my throat."

As you finish adjusting his shirt, you feel him swallow hard, and you can't help but grab his collar to pull him down to your level. You plant a kiss on his lips and when you're done he smiles down at you. 

"Seriously, you look good right now. But where is your tie? Like, a red tie would really pull this whole 'I'm Mr. Schlatt and I'm gonna be a CEO of some Ponzi scheme' look, right?"

"Jesus, yeah, you're right. I don't think I have one," he says, shifting on his feet a little. 

"Bullshit. You wouldn't stop bitching on your birthday about getting a tie from some coworker," you frown a little as you say this, wondering why he'd lie. 

"Fuck yeah, I bitched about that! Who gives someone a tie? An ugly one at that, probably got it from Walmart, not that there is anything wrong with that, except being a cheap asshole."

It's funny, and Schlatt laughs and wheezes when he talks, but you see part of it in his face contorting into nervousness. 

"You're deflecting," you say. "What's up, Schlatt? I just asked if you had a tie." 

"Fuck, man," he mumbles, rubbing his hand across his face, looking a little more tired than before. 

"Yeah?"

"I," Schlatt pauses, "I don't fucking, I don't fucking know how to tie a tie."

"You, what?" You wheeze out, feeling a wave of relief flush over your body. Of course, Schlatt doesn't know how to tie a tie.

"I don't know how! I never got taught. I can't follow those Youtube videos."

"Even your Minecraft skin wears a tie!" 

"Stop, stop making fun of me. Come on. I can pull off this look without a tie."

"Yeah, you're right. But you'd look so much better with one, right! Really elevate the look," you smile up at him, trying to reassure him. 

"Well, do you know how?"

"I do! I thought it'd be cool to teach myself."

Schlatt chuckles. 

"Huh, guess everything happens for a reason."

"Yeah! Okay, so where is that tie your coworker got you?" 

"Let me go get it, okay? Wait here."

Schlatt disappears for a few minutes as you stand, swaying gently back and forth trying to remember the steps on tying a tie. Finally, he emerges from the hall with a blue and gold tie crumpled up in his hands. 

"This thing looks like it is out of a war zone, Schlatt!" You wheeze and he starts to flush. 

He looks so cute with a red face. 

"Yeah, I know."

Schlatt hands over the very sad-looking tie, and you press your lips against his cheek. You can feel the heat radiating from him, and it makes your stomach pool a little. 

You slide the tie underneath the rim of his collar and pull it tight against his neck.

"So, this end is the rabbit and this end is the fox," you say, showing him each of the tie. 

"Oh god, I'm not a, a child," he frowned down at you as you waved the short end in your face. 

"This how I learned! This is how you'll learn too. Watch me."

"Okay, check."

You blush a little underneath his gaze. It makes you a little nervous knowing he is watching you so intently.

"Now, the, the fox, he runs around the tree. Then, he runs around it again." 

"So, the fox is getting dizzy huh?"

"Unrelated to the tie. Stay focused!"

He laughs, and you feel his chest rise and fall underneath your hands. It almost makes your mind go blank, but you know you have to stay focused if only to get Schlatt in this damn tie. 

"But then, the rabbit finds a hide-y hole to hide in!" You slip the tie into the parting where the neck hole ends and begins. 

"Oh god, that gives me flashbacks to diggy-diggy-hole. That's not a fucking Minecraft song, you know? Everyone was so insistent, but it's not! It's just not! There's no fucking reference to Minecraft in that whole fucking song. He's just digging. I could dig a hole right now. What would they say? Nice Minecraft reference, you twat? No, they wouldn't. Minecraft isn't even about digging. It's about mining and crafting. What the fuck is digging a hole? Not mining or crafting. Sorry."

As he goes on his dumb little rant that makes you laugh harder than the first thousand times you heard it on stream, you finish up the tie and smooth it against his chest. Your hands are shaky, so it's hard to get it perfect, but you really want to for him. He looks so sweet and perfect, and you straighten up to kiss him again. You wrap your hands around him, and you can feel the fabric of the suit shift underneath your fingers. It really is a nice suit. 

You pull back from the kiss. 

"I couldn't stand to get this thing wrinkled. Look, I put that tie on you, and I can take it off. But later! Later. You have something to do."

"God, I hate that you're right! Why are you right? I think for once I'm actually excited for a business thing, too. You're right."

"Yeah, I know. You better get going!" 

"Okay, okay."

He leans down and gives you a kiss on the cheek. You feel butterflies in your chest— you really love his small little displays of affection.

"I love you, see you later. I'll let you know how it goes."

"For sure. I love you too, be safe."

He is safe, and he even gets the deal. You tell him it's the tie, and maybe it was, but he insists that it's his winning personality and his silky smooth voice that really put them through to the top. 

Whether or not the tie did actually help, you both decide it was a bit of a good luck charm. And, no matter what, wearing ties every day makes Schlatt's business days a little bit better. Sure, maybe he never learns how to tie a tie, but at least he has someone pretty to smile at while they do it. 

**Author's Note:**

> the lyrics in the title come from stella donnelly's die sdkjdslkd uh the whole song isn't related to this fic at all but like whatever if u know what im saying/... also thinking about how overworked schlatt is really makes me sad like i made this and i was like wow he is constantly fucking working the fact he isnt dead is like a miracle and id miss him a ton if he ghosted but god like he deserves to chill out


End file.
